We are in a new culture that promotes boundary-setting. But what does that mean? And why does that feel so scary?
Historically, we have believed that setting boundaries involves rigidity, harshness, and a tinge of anger. This implies that we have to be fed up before sharing our needs. Absolutely at our limit of patience. And then we are going to hand them their arse - watch out! (ok, or maybe find a way to disappear and avoid conflict altogether)
I recently shared a proud moment with a beloved family member. They changed the subject quickly to share their vacation stories. This wasn’t the first time I felt blown off.
After feeling so hurt in the past after so many attempts to share good news in my life, I finally decided that it was time to let them know. I waited a couple of weeks to gain perspective, called them, and went in…
“I love you so much, and I love having these conversations with you. I have noticed something that I know you would want to know. Lately I have been really excited about the things going on in my life, and I want to share that joy with you. I have noticed that you change the subject when I talk about myself, and it feels lonely for me. It would really mean the world if you helped me by sharing some of my excitement.”
They were apologetic, started calling me more, and definitely cheer me on now.
Looking back, stating my conversation needs and expectations was actually setting a boundary. No bowing up. No yelling. No harsh demands. My boundary-setting created a stronger relationship between us that feels more mutualistic and reciprocal.
Boundaries can become a bridge to belonging. (Say that 10 times in a row)
Do you have loved ones with whom you feel isolated when you talk? What are some ways to bridge connection with them or back to yourself during those moments?
The Black Goddess: Liberated
I will be joining The Black Goddess: Liberated, a FREE masterclass series that brings together 10 experts committed to reclaiming the Black Sacred Feminine. This is a free event led by the brilliant Hay House author Dr. Giavanni Washington. This event is for everyone, as we all have access to powerful Black sacred feminine energy.
I am super honored to be joining an all-star group of speakers in this 2nd annual virtual event that starts April 29th. Get your FREE ticket here today!
On the Pod
Belonging + Boundaries w/Kami Orange
This week’s podcast features boundary coach Kami Orange, author of the book "Say The Thing." In this clip, Kami shares her insights on how to set boundaries on social media. Listen to the full episode on your favorite podcast platform.