In last week’s newsletter I wrote about being in a restaurant where I was faced with a choice - leave because the environment wasn’t created for physically disabled folx, or stay as a way to create my own belonging. I chose to stay…until I didn’t. Here is the rest of the story.
We were sitting next to another table of people who appeared to be conducting a work meeting. There were five people - 2 femme-presenting and 3 male-presenting. For 45 minutes, we never heard the women talking. Not one sound. The men carried on, talked over one another, and set the tone for a lunch meeting dripping in toxic masculinity.
As we say in the South, I just couldn’t abide, y’all.
I was done. I claimed my spot temporarily, and then decided that the energy was too poisonous to be around.
The narrative could be that they defeated me. But I chose another story - one that said “I really can get up without consuming this very greasy meal and the surrounding greasy energy.” Grease sticks and requires a lot of washing. Over and over and over.
I looked across the table at my partner, and simply stated, “I’m done here. You do as you wish. I’ll be in the car.”
As I walked out, I looked at those women, who looked miserable. They looked at me as if pleading for help. Maybe they have their reasons for staying. And I had mine for leaving.
Sometimes we claim spaces that are physical - which I did initially when I decided to be seated. At other times we can claim spaces that are less tangible - like peace and Joy. I did both in a matter of moments. And the rest of the day was absolutely delightful - because I made it so.
What are moments when you can claim your spot - both physically and emotionally?
On the Pod
Belonging as a Gay Parent
In this week’s episode, I speak with dentist-turned-baker Joe Parker “JP” about his experience as a gay parent to his beautiful triplet sons. Listen to the full episode of on your favorite podcast platform!